This is me?

This is me today. This is me after several months of sugar, flour, fast food... I stopped walking every day because I was too tired. I stopped drinking water because I always felt hungry, not thirsty. This is me after I cut off almost 7 years worth of Sisterlocs. Okay, maybe this isn't me. This is just what I look like. There are very dark circles around my eyes. My skin seems dingy. My body doesn't feel as good as it did when I began eating raw and drinking water. And it certainly doesn't look as good as it did! My girlfriends, S and P, are no longer participating and I think, on my own, it was more challenging and I fell back into old habits. The haircut, I think, was about change. Hmmm. I had my measurements taken last month to be fitted for a costume. My waist was 43". Unbelievable! I weigh more than some professional male atheletes! Okay, this sounds like I'm suffering from a lack of self-love. I don't think that's it. I love me. I love my mind and my creativity and my talents. I even love my face! But I don't love my appearance. I remedy that daily by wearing concealer, styling my hair with gels and throwing on funky jewelry. But it's camoflauge. I want the beauty I know I have to be visually evident. So -- here I go again. I intend to be beautiful. I intend to feel beautiful. Spring is here, all the azaleas are blooming. It is WONDERFUL walking weather and I want to get out in it, with the energy to enjoy it. I don't really know why I stopped doing something that made me feel so good. Why would I CHOOSE to do things that aren't in my best interest? Time to tell myself a new story. I will be creating it as I go along. So -- I'll make my smoothie, drink my water and find the support I need within myself.

If at First You Don't Succeed...

Pick yourself up and try again. Which is where I am now. Winter. That season of sugar and baked goods. Of parties and sweet drinks. It's the time we run hither and yon eating from drive thru windows. Or at least it has been for me. Weighed myself the other day and I am back to 205. Sigh. And the dark circles are back under my eyes. At a recent meal with my 17 year old daughter I commented on how good I felt on a raw diet. "Yeah, you were really nice then," she said. Then she added quickly, "Not that you aren't nice now!" But it had already been said and I could feel that it was true. Not only did I feel good on my raw diet, I was happier and just all around nicer! So -- how do we start again? And really, winter isn't an excuse, I live in Coastal South Carolina. It's 77 degrees today, for goodness sakes! We just pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and start over. My new approach, in honor of the concept of winter, is to eat 60/40 or 70/30 raw/cooked. I found that eating certain animal and soy protiens feels good. Wheat and processed foods don't. And I want to feel good. So I know what to do. I had stopped walking as I'd started eating poorly, but just a few days into more conscious eating my energy is picking up. I am so happy to be in my body and so excited to see where it will take me! Keep posted!

Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch...

It's been over a month since I last posted. And, no, I haven't been eating raw food for this month. I've been eating cheese burgers and fries and take out chinese food and pizza. And I feel like shit. It started easily enough. I ate a few french fries and felt fine. Then a little chinese (veggies, ok?) and still felt fine. Then I wanted chocolate. Good chocolate. And I discovered Dove chocolate bars with almonds. A bought one. Then a few more. Then the weather got colder. I didn't want cold food. I wanted warm food. Like oatmeal with raisins and butter and brown sugar. And toast. And bacon cheeseburgers from Wendy's. Soon I was all junk all the time. My weight still stayed down. But slowly my energy decreased. I had been taking long walks that I loved, but I haven't walked for a week other than a trudge around the park at my husband's insistence. I've spent the last few afternoons and evenings like a slug in the easy chair in front of the television. I feel like I have permanent PMS. And I realize that before I changed my diet I felt like this ALL THE TIME! This is the way I am used to feeling! And I hate it. I loved how I felt on a raw diet. I loved the energy I had when I'd go walking over the bridge at sunset, full of energy and life and joy. I HATE the way I feel right now. It's interesting how I so willingly, though, went back to what I was used to. This morning I watched folk walking over the bridge and I was jealous. But once again, I was back in a place where the energy to do what they were doing -- what I myself was doing just 10 days ago -- seemed impossible. I drove home. Dragged myself in the house and fixed a bowl of oatmeal. I eyed the bag of bread... But while I was waiting for the oatmeal to cook, I opened an e-mail from S, who was just checking on me to say "hi." And I remembered how good I felt doing this radiant health change with her. Then I remembered all the frozen fruit I'd bought yesterday with the promise that I'd start eating healthfully again. I threw the oatmeal away. (Nothing wrong with oatmeal. I really like it. But it's not what I need right now.) I pulled the fruit out of my freezer: blueberries, strawberries, mangos, peaches. Yes! I pulled out the Vitamix and shook in about 2 tsp. flax seeds. Ground them. Added a handful of frozen blueberries, about 4 or 5 wedges of peaches, 1/2 cup yogurt (okay, not raw!) about a TBLS of flax seed oil, 2 tsp. raw local honey and 1/2 cup water and half a banana and hit the blend button. Hey! It's good. It feels good! It even looks pretty! So, thank you S, for your timely check in. It's never too late to start again.

Water

Woman does not live by food alone. She needs water, too. In my case, LOTS of water. I've been listening to my body. Asking questions. Began to wonder if what I thought was hunger was actually thirst. And, eventually, dehydration and lack of thirst. In my listening and searching I came across a book by Dr. Fereydoon Batamanghelidj entitled, "Your Body's Many Cries for Water." In it the author states that water is the ultimate cure. He recommends that folk drink 1 oz. of water for every 2 lbs. of body weight. I've heard this before, but I'd forgotten. Plus, I was eating all this raw food...was so much water really necessary? But the dip in my blood pressure and the accompanying weakness urged me on. I've started to be conscious about my water intake. I'm aiming for 100 oz. a day, which is two 1 and 1/2 liter bottles. Not so hard really. I drink 16 oz. of water with lemon (1 whole lemon in my Vitamix) every morning, fill my 50 oz. bottle and take it with me when I go to walk or to the gym. It's easy to drink most of it by 10 a.m. and refill it. Then comes the hard part, remembering to drink throughout the afternoon. But I must say, I do feel better now that I've increased my water intake. Dr. Batamanghelidj suggests that many degenerative illnesses are actually a sign of a lack of adequate water. Makes sense. I'll keep drinking, reading and learning.

Lettuce, cucumbers, sprouts ... and a pot roast

After losing 12 1/2 pounds (YAY!!) and appearing "bright-eyed and bushy-pony-tailed (according to my daughter, who I trust), on day 20 I hit a wall. I was cold all the time (this in the deep south with the thermometer reading 87 degrees). I was sleepy. What was going on?! Finally, I decided -- I wanted meat. I needed meat. I had to have it! I ate some chicken in a salad my daughter bought me. Hmmm. Felt pretty good. That evening I went to a fund raiser with my husband. Beef was on the menu. I mean a big ol' slab of beef. I ate the table salad. Iceburg with a tomato wedge and 3 croutons. I drank some ice water. Finally, I just ate the meat. All of the meat. It tasted great. It felt great. I felt great! What was that about? So -- the next day, I ate chicken in my salad again. Felt fine. Hey! Maybe this is the way to go! So the NEXT day, I ate an omelet, fried potatos and scones at a brunch. By lunch I felt like crap. Longing for the halcyon days of raw. For the energy pre-hitting-the-wall. What had happened?! Well, my blood pressure took a plunge. I'm not sure why. Perhaps I wasn't drinking enough fluid. For some reason the animal protien brought it back up to a normal level. I generally have a sub-"normal" blood pressure, so I can't handle dips well. This may mean that I have to more carefully monitor my food and fluid intake. After several days on raw I had the tendency to eat and drink less and less, as my appetite adapted. This may have led to my crash on the 20th day. Back on raw again, I plan to eat at scheduled times, regardless of my awareness or lack of awareness of hunger, and to drink more water. I also realize that this isn't a contest between GOOD and EVIL foods. There is no final exam. I'm not BAD when I eat certain foods and GOOD when I eat others. It's just me and this body and this life, moving along and feeling what feels good and works well. I want to feel good. My body let's me know when I'm on the right track. Today it wants all raw. It wants to dance. It wants to work out at the gym. It wants to stretch. I'll trust my body.

Keeping The Course

From S: Yes! I've completed my 21 days of raw. I'm able to exercise (a little), go up and down the stairs (better than before), and although I am weak it isn't like it was. I celebrated my 21 days with a bag of Doritos :-) Obviously it made me extremely ill. My brain is still thinking it's missing out on something by eating the right way. I decided the celebration is to continue eating raw, which for me means eating well which equals loving myself. But it's more than celebrating that victory, it's truly the way to keep me living well. ALSO - Traveled again Labor Day Weekend did much better - all it takes is planning and sticking with the diet. I went to my nephew's wedding but was very careful to eat only those things I should. I didn't sit with people I thought would judge what I put on my plate.

From P: I'm sorry to say that I have to try again with more diligence. This past week was not a good "raw" week for me, but I'm determined to get back on board. Because I really need this for medicinal reasons, I'll have to continue until I get it right. I've found more raw cookbooks also and that should help. Because I juice quite a bit in my diet, it threw me off when I literally burnt out a juicer and had to wait a few days to replace it.

It's really ironic that although I "fell off the wagon for a few days," several people that knew what we were trying to do have begun juicing and eating more raw foods. I was amazed and inspired to do better and continue sharing. I've also had people brought into my path that have health issues and would benefit much from raw foods. I'm already working with many of them.

As you said, guilt is destructive and definitely not productive on this journey. If you deviate, just come back and continue the efforts. One thing I can say - I felt great when I was totally raw, so I'm anxious to start the cycle over. Congrats to San!

(PMS) Persistant Munching Syndrome

That's what I feel like. Pac-man. Munching anything in my path. Typical PMS behavior. The good thing is, other than the desire to eat all day, I don't have the typical PMS symptoms. No headaches, no cramping. No chocolate urges. I am more tired than I have been, but even this tiredness is a few steps up from my pre-raw days. So that's good. I am dancing around the edges of raw, though. Okay. Over the edge. The night before last I ate a serving of black beans and rice. Within seconds, my throat was itchy and tight and I kept coughing and trying to clear my throat. Felt kind of yucky, but it didn't stop me from eating one more spoonful. Today, I bought hummus from Publix which I ate like peanut butter, at least it was on romaine lettuce leaves. And I ate carrot salad with raisins, pineapple and pecans. So that was okay. Then I spotted my husband's trail mix. Gulp. That's gone, too. No, I don't feel better now that I've eaten almost everything within reach. Not sure I have the fortitude to cook food for the family and forego eating it. The upside is that this isn't a competition, it's a lifestyle change. And, hey, at least it wasn't my typical binge of Hardees or Wendy's cheeseburgers, fries and a coke, followed by a chocolate shake! A pat on the back is in order! This was day 18.

About S -- S has been informed by her physician that her kidneys are continuing to fail and she should consider a transplant. While she is feeling better since her 21 days of raw eating, she is still quite weak and not where she wants to be. A decision must be made. My only advice is, don't make a decision from a place of fear. Be still. Be sure. You are loved.

Initially I planned to be raw for 21 days. PMS notwithstanding, I feel so much better these past few days and I look so much better that I think I will continue for a while. I want to feel good. I want to look good. I want vibrant health and energy. I didn't feel this way on my former diet. I feel good now. I can only believe that by the next time my menstrual cycle comes around I'll be feeling even better. The only way to find out is to keep on going!