Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch...

It's been over a month since I last posted. And, no, I haven't been eating raw food for this month. I've been eating cheese burgers and fries and take out chinese food and pizza. And I feel like shit. It started easily enough. I ate a few french fries and felt fine. Then a little chinese (veggies, ok?) and still felt fine. Then I wanted chocolate. Good chocolate. And I discovered Dove chocolate bars with almonds. A bought one. Then a few more. Then the weather got colder. I didn't want cold food. I wanted warm food. Like oatmeal with raisins and butter and brown sugar. And toast. And bacon cheeseburgers from Wendy's. Soon I was all junk all the time. My weight still stayed down. But slowly my energy decreased. I had been taking long walks that I loved, but I haven't walked for a week other than a trudge around the park at my husband's insistence. I've spent the last few afternoons and evenings like a slug in the easy chair in front of the television. I feel like I have permanent PMS. And I realize that before I changed my diet I felt like this ALL THE TIME! This is the way I am used to feeling! And I hate it. I loved how I felt on a raw diet. I loved the energy I had when I'd go walking over the bridge at sunset, full of energy and life and joy. I HATE the way I feel right now. It's interesting how I so willingly, though, went back to what I was used to. This morning I watched folk walking over the bridge and I was jealous. But once again, I was back in a place where the energy to do what they were doing -- what I myself was doing just 10 days ago -- seemed impossible. I drove home. Dragged myself in the house and fixed a bowl of oatmeal. I eyed the bag of bread... But while I was waiting for the oatmeal to cook, I opened an e-mail from S, who was just checking on me to say "hi." And I remembered how good I felt doing this radiant health change with her. Then I remembered all the frozen fruit I'd bought yesterday with the promise that I'd start eating healthfully again. I threw the oatmeal away. (Nothing wrong with oatmeal. I really like it. But it's not what I need right now.) I pulled the fruit out of my freezer: blueberries, strawberries, mangos, peaches. Yes! I pulled out the Vitamix and shook in about 2 tsp. flax seeds. Ground them. Added a handful of frozen blueberries, about 4 or 5 wedges of peaches, 1/2 cup yogurt (okay, not raw!) about a TBLS of flax seed oil, 2 tsp. raw local honey and 1/2 cup water and half a banana and hit the blend button. Hey! It's good. It feels good! It even looks pretty! So, thank you S, for your timely check in. It's never too late to start again.