This is me?

This is me today. This is me after several months of sugar, flour, fast food... I stopped walking every day because I was too tired. I stopped drinking water because I always felt hungry, not thirsty. This is me after I cut off almost 7 years worth of Sisterlocs. Okay, maybe this isn't me. This is just what I look like. There are very dark circles around my eyes. My skin seems dingy. My body doesn't feel as good as it did when I began eating raw and drinking water. And it certainly doesn't look as good as it did! My girlfriends, S and P, are no longer participating and I think, on my own, it was more challenging and I fell back into old habits. The haircut, I think, was about change. Hmmm. I had my measurements taken last month to be fitted for a costume. My waist was 43". Unbelievable! I weigh more than some professional male atheletes! Okay, this sounds like I'm suffering from a lack of self-love. I don't think that's it. I love me. I love my mind and my creativity and my talents. I even love my face! But I don't love my appearance. I remedy that daily by wearing concealer, styling my hair with gels and throwing on funky jewelry. But it's camoflauge. I want the beauty I know I have to be visually evident. So -- here I go again. I intend to be beautiful. I intend to feel beautiful. Spring is here, all the azaleas are blooming. It is WONDERFUL walking weather and I want to get out in it, with the energy to enjoy it. I don't really know why I stopped doing something that made me feel so good. Why would I CHOOSE to do things that aren't in my best interest? Time to tell myself a new story. I will be creating it as I go along. So -- I'll make my smoothie, drink my water and find the support I need within myself.